This piece, written by Andrew Cooke of GPS is a lesson in understanding that it's not what you say but how you say it that matters. That changes in your language results in you changing your approach. It's great advice for conversations with others and for those conversations we have in our own heads.
How you say what you say matters!
It matters in two ways: firstly, it reflects how you perceive things and yourself; and secondly, it affects how others perceive you!
If you sometimes feel that you are not expressing yourself strongly enough, or are not coming across in the way that you intend, then let me share a few tips which you can use – right now – for yourself! If you want to be more persuasive, influential and assertive when communicating with others then read on!
When you assess or discuss a situation the first question you are likely to ask is, “What will I/we do if it goes wrong?” Instead of that ask, “What will I/we do when it goes right?” Or you may ask “What if he/she says no?” Instead as “What if he/she says yes?”
Can you hear and feel the differences between the two questions? Changing the language, results in your changing your approach – so use what you say to lead how you think. Once you change how you think you change how you act, and when you change how you act you change the results you get and the opportunities you create!
Now imagine you are an outsider who is listening to what you are saying. Remember, they can only infer things about you from what you say and what you do. Don’t fall into the trap of assuming some form of magical osmosis occurs where they intuitively understand what you are trying to say and what you intend.
As an outsider, how would you “hear” the difference between the two questions? What kind of attributes and insights might it evoke within you? What are the differences? And what is the impact of these differences? There is a significant and powerful difference.
Words have power. So be powerful and use the right words!